This is a guest post written by Chiron O’Keefe.
“Used to be I wore Rose-Colored Glasses. Had to, really. The early years were challenging, filled with drama, strife, agitation, and fear.
It would have destroyed my heart to recognize what my adult self would someday be able to properly assimilate. So I pretended, as many children do. A coping method. A means of emotional survival.
The Rose-Colored Glasses served my heart in many ways. I could *love* past the disdain or criticism or cruelty. I could pretend and close my eyes, and believe what served my heart even if it meant beginning a process of avoidance and self-deceit.
The souls who showed me affection and those who treated me poorly, both earned a fierce misguided loyalty. It was odd, looking back. Recognizing how I’d deliberately ignore bad behavior, or even pretend to myself that I didn’t notice.
Others fed into that. Guilt and Obligation were the go-to dynamic in my family and earliest friends. One trained me to never object by pushing my easiest button–my fear of being unkind. That one scolded me fiercely if I ever objected to being used or manipulated, if I dared to call her on her bad behavior or lies.
Objecting meant that I was Not Being Unconditionally Loving, which translates to “You’re a Bad Person.” In retrospect, it was classic psychological abuse, but what did I know? I wanted to love and so I did. My guilt filled in the empty slots where love belonged.
It took decades to allow myself to wake up. To gently remind myself that putting up with bad behavior is not kind but actually a form of enabling. All those buzz words to describe a simple truth: Letting others hurt or use you isn’t love. Guilt isn’t a natural response, and if that is the primary feeling, it’s not love. Unless you can say, “No,” instead of always feeling obligated to say, “Yes,” it’s not love.
However, those Rose-Colored Glasses served a valuable purpose. They taught me how to love. And without them, I felt colder and quite lonely. The world was starker in black and white, in lonely shades of grey.
It took years before I recognized the solution was not to discard them completely. Love is not a simple thing. People may hurt us and make mistakes, just as we hurt others. Sometimes the view is rosy, yet with a shade of another hue. All those colors require integration with an honest and compassionate heart. Sometimes love is messy, wild, like a tempestuous wave followed by a smooth pool of warmth and comfort.
There was one last step required. I had to make a promise to myself. I had to learn to say, “No.” To recognize that love is a choice, not an obligation. That promising to look for the best in another does not mean ignoring truth. So for me, having the ability to say “No,” meant I needn’t hide my eyes from what couldn’t be confronted. No longer did I have to don Rose-Colored Glasses to warm up a world of chill grey.
Today I view my world through a rainbow of emotions that stretch across my inner sky. The sunshine dances on the raindrops, and the occasional blustery storm encourages my inner trees to dance. I welcome all the colors of my emotions, grateful for my ability to feel without fear. I recognize my freedom to love or not as I choose. And in knowing I have this choice, I choose to love.”–Chiron O’Keefe
©Chiron O’Keefe All Rights Reserved
Chiron O’Keefe is a writer, philosopher, and musician. Currently working on a book of essays focusing on reality creation and self-love, she is a life-long dreamer whose experiences have taught her the value of playfulness and self-accountability. You can follow her on Facebook .
Many thanks to Chiron for permission to publish this amazing and insightful post. May her journey inspire you to choose love and….Shine Your Light!~Debbie
©Debra Taitel 2016 All Rights Reserved
Debra is a gifted Clairvoyant Reader, Energy Healer, Author, and Intuitive Business Consultant providing insight and guidance to clients around the world. In addition to her clairvoyant readings, business consulting and healing work Debra also offers one to one personal empowerment sessions and leads meditation workshops to help people heal and awaken to their own truth and spiritual gifts.