Confessions of an Out of Control Healer; Can you relate?

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Are you an out-of-control healer? Do you find you become responsible or blame yourself for other people’s feelings, reactions or experiences? Do you go into automatic healing mode with others who may not actually want it?

I stand before you with a confession; I am an out of control healer. Being an out of control healer was, and still is, very much a part of my own personal healing journey. Each time it happens I look inward to find the energy picture that causes me to get stuck in that space time and time again so I can I peel off yet another layer of “stuff” that I’ve taken responsibility for which is not mine.

How do you know if you’re an out of control healer?

Healing others and offering help is not necessarily being an out of control healer but you may be an out of control healer if:

  1. you give away your energy and attention to those in need at the expense of your own needs
  2. you become responsible for another’s experience, growth period, feelings or reactions
  3. you blame yourself and constantly try to “fix” things outside of your control
  4. you become an energy sponge for others pain
  5. you try to “solve” everyone else’s problems or dramas
  6. you continue to heal those who don’t want it and you go into effort trying to heal them
  7. you only hear from so-called friends when they are having a crisis
  8. you befriend every hurting soul you see

Those are just a few of the ways you can tell if you’re an out of control healer but why one does this is also important to look at. All healing is self-healing and there are those who don’t wish to take responsibility for their part in the drama or situations they find themselves in. If you continue to heal or give your energy and attention to them, they will become angry because in essence you are trying to “show them” and heal what they don’t want to look at within themselves. If you find yourself in a situation when you are doing this, look within yourself to see what it is within you causing you to snap into healing mode.

Use your experiences for self-healing

Every person will have a different set of energies or pictures but I wanted to share a recent discovery on my part after I was “blamed” for making someone feel inadequate. In a conversation I made an innocent comment about how I was “used to doing it differently” than how they did it. I then asked a question to clarify the different style. I was not trying to invalidate in any way yet I noticed the person’s pictures get lit up and I quickly went into healing mode. I took responsibility for everything she was feeling, blamed myself, decided I was a horrible monster of a person for lighting up her pictures in the first place then tried to fix it which of course didn’t work.

No one can “make” someone feel inadequate (or feel however they are feeling.) It is those places where they already feel inadequate that are coming up for them. One also can’t be responsible for lighting up the energies or pictures someone else is working on. It doesn’t mean I didn’t feel bad about causing someone pain because it, in fact, affected me rather deeply and it took hours before I was finally able to forgive myself and let go. I had to turn my attention within to find those places where I felt “inadequate”. I had to find those places within where I felt like I’d said something wrong and forgive myself for being human and occasionally saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I had to turn within, take responsibility and forgive myself for whatever part I played in it.

Life is not always about smooth sailing on calm waters and each of us can learn from every situation that is presented to us. If you are an out of control healer you are being shown all those places you can work on within yourself. Dig deeper into your inner world and uncover that which has been hidden or you haven’t wanted to look at until now. Forgive yourself for the part you played in the past and allow yourself and others to be where they are. How someone else is feeling is beyond your control. How someone hears you is out of your control. Someone who doesn’t want to heal is beyond your control. Taking responsibility and forgiving yourself for whatever part you played IS in your control and is also a part of your own healing process.~Shine Your Light

©Debra Taitel 2013 All rights reserved
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The Gifts of Love, Compassion & Forgiveness….

The greatest gifts in the world are not wrapped in the most beautiful paper tied neatly with a bow. Boxed gifts and material possessions cannot heal a hurting soul. The most precious gifts you can give are those of love, compassion and forgiveness.

This year those gifts are more important than ever; Our economy is in a shambles, people are losing their jobs or homes, many are in pain and losing hope. You might not recognize those hurting inside as you pass by them on the street or you might be the one in pain carrying the burden of an illness or emotional pain which cannot be seen. People may lash out and hurt you not because of something you said or did but because they are hurting inside themselves.  It might be you who does the lashing out for the same reason. NOW more than ever is the time to open your heart, forgive and have compassion for those around you and the best way to do this is to start with yourself.

If you or someone you know is carrying a heavy load it is important to remember that you (or the others) are not broken and don’t need fixing. What is needed is love, compassion and understanding. Until you walk in another’s shoes you can never know what triggered an emotional reaction or outburst. This is true for you as well. If you walk around thinking you need ‘fixing’ that is the message you put out to everyone you meet. Sometimes it’s necessary to bravely look at yourself and your own burdens. Do have expectations of how others should treat you as if you are the only one carrying burdens? Do you love and respect yourself? Do you treat your body with compassion and forgiveness? If you expect others to treat you with love, compassion and forgiveness no one will be able to live up to those expectations unless you treat yourself that way.

How you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you. It is precisely the vibration you put out that others react to. Take a moment to reflect on those areas you can love yourself more. Can you forgive yourself if you’ve lashed out at another whether (in your eyes) they deserved it or not? Do you love yourself for who you are with all your faults? Do you treat your physical body with love even if it’s not perfect? Do you strive to open your mind and expand your knowledge so you have a deeper understanding of yourself and or what someone else is going through? Can you put judgement aside and forgive yourself for the indiscretions and choices you’ve made which may have inadvertently hurt either yourself or someone else? Now is the time to love yourself and forgive. After all you’ve been through love is the one thing that stands by you, has faith in you, supports you, and is always there for you. Love teaches you to forgive the seemingly unforgivable. Compassion and forgiveness lead to loving unconditionally.

Open your heart to love. Allow love to flow through your heart and surround you. Allow your actions to match. We are all connected by love and when we show love and compassion through our actions every moment is a loving moment. Our actions show the outer world what we have inside. Our actions show the intimate relationship we ultimately have with ourselves. Make gift giving a daily habit by giving the gifts of compassion, forgiveness and love. Start with yourself….begin within.~Shine Your Light Debbie

©Debra Taitel  2012 All rights reserved

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