Confessions of an Out of Control Healer; Can you relate?

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Are you an out-of-control healer? Do you find you become responsible or blame yourself for other people’s feelings, reactions or experiences? Do you go into automatic healing mode with others who may not actually want it?

I stand before you with a confession; I am an out of control healer. Being an out of control healer was, and still is, very much a part of my own personal healing journey. Each time it happens I look inward to find the energy picture that causes me to get stuck in that space time and time again so I can I peel off yet another layer of “stuff” that I’ve taken responsibility for which is not mine.

How do you know if you’re an out of control healer?

Healing others and offering help is not necessarily being an out of control healer but you may be an out of control healer if:

  1. you give away your energy and attention to those in need at the expense of your own needs
  2. you become responsible for another’s experience, growth period, feelings or reactions
  3. you blame yourself and constantly try to “fix” things outside of your control
  4. you become an energy sponge for others pain
  5. you try to “solve” everyone else’s problems or dramas
  6. you continue to heal those who don’t want it and you go into effort trying to heal them
  7. you only hear from so-called friends when they are having a crisis
  8. you befriend every hurting soul you see

Those are just a few of the ways you can tell if you’re an out of control healer but why one does this is also important to look at. All healing is self-healing and there are those who don’t wish to take responsibility for their part in the drama or situations they find themselves in. If you continue to heal or give your energy and attention to them, they will become angry because in essence you are trying to “show them” and heal what they don’t want to look at within themselves. If you find yourself in a situation when you are doing this, look within yourself to see what it is within you causing you to snap into healing mode.

Use your experiences for self-healing

Every person will have a different set of energies or pictures but I wanted to share a recent discovery on my part after I was “blamed” for making someone feel inadequate. In a conversation I made an innocent comment about how I was “used to doing it differently” than how they did it. I then asked a question to clarify the different style. I was not trying to invalidate in any way yet I noticed the person’s pictures get lit up and I quickly went into healing mode. I took responsibility for everything she was feeling, blamed myself, decided I was a horrible monster of a person for lighting up her pictures in the first place then tried to fix it which of course didn’t work.

No one can “make” someone feel inadequate (or feel however they are feeling.) It is those places where they already feel inadequate that are coming up for them. One also can’t be responsible for lighting up the energies or pictures someone else is working on. It doesn’t mean I didn’t feel bad about causing someone pain because it, in fact, affected me rather deeply and it took hours before I was finally able to forgive myself and let go. I had to turn my attention within to find those places where I felt “inadequate”. I had to find those places within where I felt like I’d said something wrong and forgive myself for being human and occasionally saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I had to turn within, take responsibility and forgive myself for whatever part I played in it.

Life is not always about smooth sailing on calm waters and each of us can learn from every situation that is presented to us. If you are an out of control healer you are being shown all those places you can work on within yourself. Dig deeper into your inner world and uncover that which has been hidden or you haven’t wanted to look at until now. Forgive yourself for the part you played in the past and allow yourself and others to be where they are. How someone else is feeling is beyond your control. How someone hears you is out of your control. Someone who doesn’t want to heal is beyond your control. Taking responsibility and forgiving yourself for whatever part you played IS in your control and is also a part of your own healing process.~Shine Your Light

©Debra Taitel 2013 All rights reserved
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When saying YES to others is saying NO to you…

PeaceblueThis above all; To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night  the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”~ Hamlet Act I Scene III by William  Shakespeare

Have you ever found yourself saying YES to someone even though in doing so you were saying NO to yourself? I know I certainly have! I recently read Paulo Coelho’s Warrior of Light and one of the passages really got me thinking about how many times I’ve done this very thing and said YES to others at my expense. In retrospect there were all too many times when I said YES and responded how I thought I should and did not express how I was really feeling. Too many times when I was an out of control healer and did not say no….

So often we get caught up healing and giving to others that we lower our vibration and move away from our own truth. In my case I’m sure there were times I said YES because it was the right thing to do but how about the times it was because I wanted someone to like me or I was looking to be validated? How many times have I given up my space and responded by getting involved in the problems and drama of those who are perfectly capable of healing themselves yet they choose not to?  Probably all too many! Saying YES and helping a friend in need is important. Doing the “right” thing is also important; HOWEVER  saying YES in lieu of taking care of your own problems, challenges or health is something entirely different.

Be true to you…

It’s more common than not for people to say yes to others and we make up wonderful excuses for doing it. We tell ourselves there is a deadline to be met, we will be given back to or loved and dare I mention that at some level we think saying yes will bring us validation or recognition from those we said yes to?!  When you are being true to yourself and caring for you sometimes the kindest and most healing thing you can do for yourself and others is say NO. To be sure, saying NO isn’t easy especially when we’ve been taught since we were children to be gracious and kind; BUT why do we so readily say yes to others when it is saying NO to us? I can tell you from personal experience that saying yes doesn’t bring validation, love or recognition depending on who you say yes to. When it’s a “no” for us and yet we say yes, in essence we have allowed someone or something else to become more important (senior) to us.

If you are continually saying yes and afterwards find yourself beating yourself up or complaining about it, isn’t that saying NO to yourself? If it doesn’t feel good going into the yes or it causes you stress, isn’t that saying NO to you? How amusing it is we find it so difficult to say no to others yet say no to ourselves all the time! If you are a healer and giver you may be experiencing the effects of saying yes all too often. When saying yes is saying no to yourself you take on energies, pain and problems from others. If you don’t know what I mean, think about how often you struggle to find a solution to someone else’s problems. Think about the reasons you said yes in the first place. Keep in mind that NO is an option and you have a right to say it!

As we raise our consciousness and become more aware of our own energy and what we are doing with it, don’t you think it’s time to find balance? There are always things we must say yes to that in the end benefit us even though (initially) we wanted say no but in those instances when saying yes is saying no to you at a core level it bares a bit of contemplation. Certainly say yes when it’s a YES for you! Listen to your intuition and say NO if it doesn’t feel right. When saying YES brings joy to your mind, body, spirit and soul, that’s a YES for you! Don’t you think it time to say YES to YOU?  Repeat after me….YES! YES! YES to ME!~Shine Your Light Debbie

©Debra Taitel 2013 All Rights Reserved
Daily Muse Home Page

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