Is the fear of being impolite stronger than doing what is best for you?

Does the sun politely ask the darkness if it can shine or does it just rise and shine?

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Be polite. Say thank you. Mind your manners. Use common courtesy. Of course these are things we learn as children and as each of us strives to be a better person it is possible to try so hard to be “nice” and “polite” that we occasionally get hurt in the process. In the world of politeness and common courtesy the question posed (along with a few others) are good ones to ponder. Is the fear of being impolite stronger than doing what is best for you? Is being polite more important than your feelings? Are you so afraid of being seen as impolite that you disregard your own truth and do the polite thing even if it causes you pain?

Common courtesy and living from the golden rule is a given. Everyone should practice those on a daily basis but when your intuition kicks in and there are danger signals it is conceivable that the “polite” thing to do is not the right thing for you. A great example of this is when you are going through a tough time and a friend calls to tell you all their problems and you become a dumping ground for their pain. Normally you would probably listen intently and lovingly try to help them however what if doing that means you put aside caring for yourself and your own needs? If you happen to take on their problems and pain you are causing yourself more pain in the process. If you simply must be polite how about speaking from your heart and telling them you really need your space and can’t help them right then? If they continue on with no regard for what you need they are really not listening to YOU or care about what you need. At that point perhaps you don’t have to be nice about it.

If someone offered you drugs would you take them because want to be polite? If you have a food allergy would you eat foods which would harm you? Of course not! It is no different with what you take on energetically. Emotional pain is generally someone else’s energy in your space and it possibly manifests as illness in your body. When the fear of being impolite is stronger than your needs and causes you more pain it’s time to take notice! If being polite is more important than your own self-worth and you politely take whatever  is thrown at you it’s time to re-evaluate. If negativity surrounds you yet you’re still being ‘nice’ to those negative people instead of distancing yourself perhaps it’s time to look deeper to find out why it is that this happens. Don’t allow fear to run your life and take over even if it means someone might not like you. They may not like you but what’s the cost to you if they do?

Listen to your intuition and feel your feelings. If your gut is screaming at you to get out of there….get out of there! You don’t have to make excuses or be polite.  Here’s the part you’ll like; You don’t have to be rude or impolite to stand your ground! Politely go ahead and excuse yourself. Politely tell someone you’re not feeling up to it (whatever ‘it’ is). It is possible to stand up for yourself by speaking from your heart with graceful, loving intent. If someone or some thing is not healthy or in your best interests maybe it’s time to clear the fear, stop being polite and speak your truth whether someone likes it or not. Rise and shine! ~Shine Your Light Debbie

©Debra Taitel  2012 All rights reserved

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4 thoughts on “Is the fear of being impolite stronger than doing what is best for you?

  1. Hey Debra
    That is something that is very true, there can be fear of doing what is best because we are afraid of what others might think of us. Sometimes we need to do things which others could take as offensive and dislike us for. However, it is because of their personal “flaws” that they are reacting in such a way and does not say anything about you.

    “If being polite is more important than your own self-worth and you politely take whatever is thrown at you it’s time to re-evaluate.”

    Regarding that sentense… Luckily we do not have to “take” anything people throw at us. By that I do not mean that we catch the crap and throw it back at them, but it is possible not to “catch the crap” they throw at all. Our “self-worth” can never decrease nor increase even though we might feel that way. No one is better or worse than anyone, despite that we might feel that way. Fortunately it is possible to become less and less dependent upon what others people do… not feeling worthless etc because of what people say or do. Feeling worthless is a sign we are in a “illusory state”, making us not see things clearly. So doing the best thing in a situations, whether it is “acting politely” or whatever, does not mean it has to be painful. If we feel like shouting at someone but the best thing in that situation is to be polite…then it is a sign that we are in a bad state, and such states are possible to reduce fortunately, decreasing their control over us.

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