Is someone mistaking your kindness for an agreement to dump their problems and/or pain into your space? Do people come into your life, hand you their problems then disappear as if they were never there? If you’ve been dumped on, are you OK with that?
My guess is that your probably NOT ok with someone dumping their pain into your space or running it through you.
The disturbing part of being dumped on is when we wake up to the fact that at some level we were taught (or programmed) to allow it and we, whether knowingly or unknowingly, are agreeing to it. Healers are particularly susceptible to this programming.
These “give me your pain” or as I like to call them “pass the pain” agreements exist between friends, lovers, family members and colleagues. Of course we want to “problem solve”. Of course we want to lend a compassionate ear. Of course we want to help others through difficult times. Of course we are there to support and heal those we love BUT that doesn’t mean we have to take on their pain or run it through us.
Why and When did we Agree?
I know you’re thinking (not because I’m clairvoyant but because I’ve pondered the question myself) “no way did I agree to take on that pain”. I’m their friend, lover, family (fill in the blank) and agreed to help them, heal them or hold their hand but I DID NOT agree to actually take that pain into me. Well my friends, at some level you did and it may simply be you are such a capable healer that you can.
It could be a Karmic agreement or quite possibly you want someone to love or like you. You may have been taught to do this to make others more comfortable or you may have learned it was more comfortable for you. Counter-intuitive I know but sometimes it’s easier for us to clear the pain for others than to actually watch them be in pain. There are as many reasons for the agreements we make as people on the planet. Every one is different and in a lifetime of pasts, presents and futures it’s up to each of us to uncover our truth about why and when.
What About Energy Vampires?
There is a lot of talk about energy vampires and less about getting dumped on although if you really take a long hard look, those we consider the “Energy Vampires” sucking our energy dry, are the ones doing some of the dumping.
Funny thing is, we wouldn’t allow a stranger to dump on us now would we? Isn’t is interesting that those who “dump” are usually the ones closest to us at some level. The ones who know exactly how to push our buttons and the more we resist, the easier it is for them to dump!
One of the reasons we allow them to do it time and time again is because we love them. We don’t want to see them in pain. Many times I see healers who would rather be in pain themselves than allow another to be in pain. In the case of co-workers, colleagues and bosses we allow it so we are accepted as a part of the team or to keep the peace and our jobs.
The dumpers aren’t necessarily aware they are dumping, and we may not be aware we’ve been dumped on until after the fact. Do you notice people or connections who come into your life then, in the blink of an eye, they leave and you don’t know why? Does your business go up and down or you go through periods of feast or famine? Guess what? Those are PRIME indicators you’ve been dumped on!
Stop the Madness!
It’s time we all stop the “pass the pain” “give it to me” syndrome. We don’t have to run others pain through us. The secret is to simply end the agreement. Clear the programming that says we should allow another to dump or run their pain through us.
Own your space by filling it with you. Fill it with compassion and love. Radiate from a place of your being. Be love and compassion. That, my friends, is what allows others to heal. Clean up the resistance and mess. Plant new seeds to grow. Create new thought processes and consciously decide to do it differently.
Treat those who dump with love and compassion. Just as you learned to allow the dumping, they learned it’s ok to do it AND just by you acknowledging and not taking on their pain, you are teaching them not to dump but to heal. We all have the ability to heal ourselves and we are here to help each other but that doesn’t mean we have to take on the pain of others to do it.~Shine Your Light Debbie
©Debra Taitel 2014 All rights reserved