Dating – Daily Muse

Last night a dear friend called and told me she didn’t ever think she would be happy again. She went through an epic betrayal which later led to her divorce.

It’s difficult to know what to say when someone is telling you they want to give up because they are convinced they will never be happy again. Especially when it’s clear they are still in the middle of the storm.

If you ARE in the middle of a storm, you can’t see or hear anything but the nasty loop that constantly runs through your head. You can’t hear or see anything but the “I should have, could have or why didn’t I” as you review each and every moment of your relationship. We’ve all been in that place to varying degrees at one time or another, myself included.

There is nothing you need to fix or solve. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Maybe you did or didn’t do anything wrong. You can only take responsibility and own your part….can you forgive yourself for not being aware? Can you forgive yourself for those times you didn’t hear, or weren’t paying full attention? Can you forgive yourself for having beautiful hopes and dreams? Can you acknowledge the hurt?

Despite all that is happening, the storm and the chaos has nothing to do with you! What happened, what is possibly happening now, while you’re in the middle of it, feels awful. There is seemingly no sun, no moon, no hope; and it feels as if it’s never going to end but let me assure you it will.

The past, the break-up, the separation, causes a hurt that you don’t feel will ever end yet the past is in the past. It’s already happened. You got through it day-by-day. You survived! Now it’s time to go inside and release all that was stirred up by the outside storm.

The storm can’t keep going unless you feed it with your thoughts. While this is true, I know it doesn’t offer comfort for the turmoil in your mind and the pain that it causes. Just because someone isn’t physically standing over you with a baseball bat hitting you over the head doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt as if they were.

I came across the following passage that directly speaks to what happens:

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”~Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

While I don’t necessarily agree one should keep their eyes closed I read the passage as sometimes we must shut out all the extraneous noise to go within. To quiet the voices in our heads; the thoughts in our minds. To bring comfort and kindness to our bodies.

You are stronger than you think. Have courage, faith and hope because it’s really true that once the storm is over you will be forever changed and you won’t be the same person who walked in.~Shine Your Light Debbie

This is for my best girls K and L and D. I love you all and I’m here in spirit holding your hand every step of the way!

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Debra is a gifted Clairvoyant Reader, Energy Healer, Author, and Intuitive Business Consultant providing insight and guidance to clients around the world. In addition to her clairvoyant readings, business consulting and healing work Debra also offers one to one personal empowerment sessions and leads meditation workshops to help people heal and awaken to their own truth and spiritual gifts.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”~Oscar Wilde

As human beings we all seek to love and be loved. Love cannot be explained, measured or seen. It is a feeling that comes from deep within our soul.

There is no greater power in the world than love. It makes us feel alive, makes our hearts sing and brings a sense of purpose and contentment.

We seek love and yet it sometimes eludes us. We have thoughts of what we think love IS. We have thoughts about what we think it should be but when was the last time someone asked you the question “how do you want to be loved?” Better yet when was the last time you asked yourself “how do ‘I’ want to be loved?”

I must admit that I’ve never asked myself this question. I know “who” and “what” I’m looking for but never have I explored HOW I want to be loved. When this very question was brought to my attention in a recent dance performance I attended called “The Seventh Love” (an original work written and directed by David Kersnar, performed by Natya Dance Theater) I realized not only how important it is to ask but how profound and powerful it is in the asking.

How can you love someone the way they want to be loved without asking them the question “how do you want to be loved?” How will someone love you the way you want to be loved if you haven’t first asked yourself this question to really know how it is you want to be loved? How can someone possibly love you the way you want to be loved if you don’t first love yourself how you want to be loved?

The “act” of loving is different than the pure vibration of love that resides within each of us. Accessing our own unique vibration of love, being that love and allowing it to pour forth allows us to “actively” love ourselves and others. We show others how we want to be loved by loving ourselves how we want to be loved.

Pure unconditional love is a vibration filled with acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. It is not until we connect with ourselves and the vibration that we can even begin to answer the question. The answer in “The Seventh Love” was as profound as the question. “By allowing me to love the way I want to be loved”. Expression of divine inner love comes from a place of allowing yourself to love and be loved freely without judgement, attachment to an outcome or expectation.

How do I want to be loved? I want to be accepted for who I am and allowed to express that love without reservation. I want to be loved with respect and affection and allowed to love with respect and affection. I want to be loved for the divine spark that resides within. I want to be loved freely, without judgement or expectation. As I love myself in this way I show others and it tells others how I want to be loved.

Romance your soul. Explore and discover how you want to be loved. Ask another how they want to be loved and allow them to love the way they want to be loved. Love YOURSELF the way you want to be loved and have a lifelong romance!~Shine Your Light Debbie

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