“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”~Ann Landers
Love is what unites, walls are what separate. Why do we put up walls? What is it that causes us to feel fear or shame when it comes to our hearts?
Very simply, we put up walls because we are not perfect. We put up walls because other people might SEE we are not perfect. We put up walls because we don’t want people to see our pain.
Our hearts know no limits or boundaries. An open heart loves, is vulnerable and is not afraid to show imperfections. Not one of us is perfect and it takes courage to show our human-ness to others openly and honestly. We need not be ashamed of our bodies, our imperfections, our pain. We are human and our imperfections are as much a part of us as everything else.
At one time or another each of us has been hurt. Each of us has made a mistake. Each of us has experienced some level of fear around intimacy. We might think we’re being open but there are times we still hold back because we fear we will be judged or hurt in the process. We put up a “wall of shame” around our heart so others will not see us as “less” than. The problem is, the “shame” only exists in our minds and we’ve made it real! We’ve given it power. We’ve allowed it to build a wall that separates us from ourselves; Who we are and the love we are made of….
Shame is us judging ourselves and deciding we do not and will never meet the expectations of others. Shame says we are not good enough, our past was not good enough, we are not worth it and worst of all, our shame not only keeps others at arm’s length but it is the judgement of all judgments. We are judging ourselves so harshly we are deciding what (we think) is acceptable to others.
We may have been shamed as a child for doing or saying something wrong. We may have been shamed because something wasn’t good enough for our parents. We may have been judged harshly for not being perfect in an old relationship. We may judge ourselves for actions and mistakes we made in the past.
In many ways the “wall of shame” is a form of self sabotage. It stops us from fully experiencing and seeing the love we are. The love that unites us. It separates us and keeps us in a jail cell of self-judgment. It keeps us from fully loving ourselves and if we can’t fully love ourselves for who we are and make “allowances for human weakness” how can we possibly accept another openly and freely?
To truly love and be loved, we must take down the walls that separate us from the very thing we long for, the very thing we ARE. The walls we unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, put up which seemingly separate us from others are really walls that separate us from OURSELVES! Be who you are. Love who you are. Take down the walls and let your love light shine!~Shine Your Light Debbie
©Debra Taitel 2014 All rights reserved
